Your Husband Sings Too Loud – SINGING IS NOT THE ISSUE

I’ve been an ordained “Teaching Elder” (formerly known as Minister of Word and Sacrament) for 19 years . I have done ministry at the national office of my denomination, supply preached in tiny churches, done oodles of Presbytery committee work, and pastored two churches. I have also worked for several kinds of businesses, and a couple of non-profit agencies, and am doing hospice chaplaincy. I’ve seen a lot in my 19 years of professional ministry. I have collection of stories that show the best and worst of humanity. I have seen “issues” present themselves in unique ways and helped people get to the root issue, which is 99% of the time not the “Issue” that is presented or identified as the original issue.

This past Sunday the patriarch of the church I am currently pastoring, (you know the most senior male member of the congregation that holds the most implicit power and blue chips; he is the person that really calls the shots about what happens in the church.) came to me and informed me that my husband sings too loud and a ‘family’ (not identified in the conversation) has started to attend a nearby church because my husband sings too loud. The patriarch told me that he might be able to convince this “family” to return to our church if my husband would not sing so loud in worship. I was asked by the patriarch, who I was really surprised allowed himself to get triangle, to speak with my husband about his singing. My response to the comment about my husband’s singing too loud and being a hindrance to this un-identified family was “oh really.” And I did agree to speak with my husband, pointing out that it would be a ‘difficult’ conversation. The patriarch did acknowledge that it would be a ‘difficult’ conversation, and it was.

You see my husband has a lovely tenor voice. He was part of an elite singing group in his High School (The Blue and Gold singers) at William Chrisman High School. People are always complementing him on his voice. He has done solo work, sang at weddings, and is often asked to join the choir anytime we visit a church. I know that his SINGING IS NOT THE ISSUE.

I did have a conversation with my husband and because singing is such an integral part of who he is and how he worships, he has now made a conscious choice to not come back to worship at the congregation where I pastor. He will be looking for a new place to worship where he can sing and worship and not hinder the participation in worship of others.

As I said, SINGING IS NOT THE ISSUE, and this whole situation raised for me some serious theological and spiritual issues that I will need to work with my congregation to resolve and hopefully grow the congregation in spiritual maturity.

I am concerned that in speaking with my husband about his singing (which we both believe to be a non issue), I too have been triangled. Although I am not happy with the fact that the ‘solution’ to this problem is for my husband to worship apart from me on Sundays, I know he must do this for his spiritual health, lest he become a stumbling block to another’s faith journey . The Apostle Paul talks about this in terms of food in Romans 14: 12-23, and if the concept is applied to this particular situation, there is no other option except for my husband to graciously find a community where his singing will not cause a brother or sister to stumble or hinder their worship of Christ. So this is the answer I will be giving when people ask me where my husband is on Sunday and why he is not at any other church activity.

Now as we all probably know my husband’s SINGING IS NOT THE ISSUE. The issue is something else, and the fact that my husband and his singing will be absent from the congregation, there will be an opportunity to explore why such a petty thing is the reason for not attending a church where you have been a member for a long time. It will also give me the opportunity as pastor to address the basics of what it means to live in Christian community with one another, even people who sing the praises of God loudly and with conviction.

I have come to have a great appreciation for the Apostle Paul this past week, as I realize that issues addressed by Paul in his letters to the churches address real issues in congregations today and the issues of human pettiness that were alive and well in the early years of the Christian Church continue to be alive and well today. Pray for us pastors as we seek to live in community with people who don’t always want to live in community with others, especially those who Sings Too Loud.

The Big Tickle

Hubby and I arrived in Memphis, TN today for Emergence Christianity, a Discussion with Phyllis Tickle and friends. This event has been nicknamed by some as The Big Tickle.

I'm really enjoying my time in Memphis so far and really looking forward to Friday and Saturday, the days that this Big Tickle is suppose to take place at the Episcopal Cathedral here in Memphis. Since I am a bit older than most of the folks who have embraced Emergent and Emergence Christianity, I am here to learn. To learn from not my elders but from the mouths of babes.

I've read a bit on the topic, enjoying every word of Phyllis' book The Great Emergence. I am disillusioned with the corporate nature of the church, especially denominations. I worked for the first 8 years of my ministry out of seminary at the national offices of my denomination, the PCUSA. I've done a lot of pulpit supply and I helped a church close its doors after 55 years of ministry. My current ministry is a part time contract position with a small church and I also work as a hospice chaplain per Diem. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never be what most people consider a 'successful' pastor in that I do not see myself as ever being called to a full time pastoral call and installed with a cushy benefits package, and staff. The church hasn't fit that model for a long time, although that is the model of Church that was sold to me in seminary.

What Phyllis Tickle has given me is hope, hope in the midst of what I see as dying structures and institutions. Hope that the faith I hold to does not need structures and institutions to be authentic and real. Hope that there is more to church that maintaining a program or a building. That ministry comes from a group of people and reflects the needs of that community. I look forward to insights this week of how to help folks catch that vision for the church and what God may have in store for me in the future.

P.S. Since I love to laugh, I am truly looking forward to being Tickled and finding Holy Humor in the happenings this week.

Rachel Weeps

Jeremiah 31:15 This is what the LORD says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."

Words cannot begin to convey the hurt in my heart for the children and families in Newtown, CT. Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer.

This verse from Jeremiah was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard the news of the violent tragedy in Newtown on Friday morning. 27 young lives tragically and violently ripped from the time-space continuum as we know it. Like everyone else, I am struggling to make sense of this tragedy.

As I have watched the Facebook and Twitter traffic unfold, I continue to try and find some sense of peace and understanding. Rachel is indeed weeping for her children and consolation is going to be difficult. The Facebook and Twitter traffic began by offering prayer for those affected by this tragedy, then the traffic began to turn to analysis. Why did this happen? What can we do to make sure it never happens again? Will there be a time when it will be safe to send our children to school again?

The WHY questions of life are always the toughest, because there is not often an answer to Why? I know I don’t know why this happened. I don’t know what motivated the gunman to kill his mother then open fire on classrooms of young children. I know that neuroscience tells me that this young man of 20 years didn’t have a fully developed frontal lobe, the part of the brain that moderates impulsive behaviors. I also know that having an answer to the many why questions that are emerging from this tragic shooting isn’t going to bring these children back to their parents, nor is it going bring comfort to those who mourn.

As I look at the Scriptural tradition that feeds my faith, I am reminded of two stories. The first is found in Exodus 1&2, the story of Moses in the Bulrushes. Moses is rescued from death by the Pharaoh’s own daughter, and survives the edict for all male Hebrew children to be tossed to their death in the Nile. This is the first example of infanticide that I can find in scripture. In this story the faithfulness of two midwives, Shiphrah and Puha who feared God and refused to participate in Pharaoh’s plot. There is a sense of peace that comes from recalling this story in that God’s presence is with Moses and the Hebrew people in spite of the evil edict that seeks to destroy a people. God’s presence will be with those who mourn in Newtown, CT.

The second story is found in Matthew 2:16-18 – commonly known in Christian circles as the Massacre of the Innocents. This “Feast” which is also called Childermas, is celebrated in the Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, and Lutheran traditions on December 28th. Sometimes in the Christmas cycle of the lectionary, specifically during year A, this is part of the lectionary during Christmas.

It is difficult to conceive why? Why would such a joyous holiday time bring up to our memory such a horrible story of the killing of innocent children? In the Christian tradition, King Herod’s slaughter of male children under the age of 2 difficult for us to comprehend. King Herod, fearing this “King of the Jews” orders that all male children under the age of 2 years be killed. This is a second example of infanticide that I can find in scripture. This story does not bring the peace that the story of Moses in Bulrushes does, at least for me. It is difficult to conceive how a King could order the murder of his own people. And it is here that we are reminded again of the words of the prophet Jeremiah and that Rachel Weeps for her children.

Rachel is indeed still weeping, still weeping today with the nation, and with the 20 families whose children are no more. It is here that we sit today. We sit today with a weeping Rachel. A weeping Rachel who refuses to be comforted because her children are no more.

As a childless mother, I can only begin to have a sliver of understanding of the pain felt by 20 families in Newtown, CT. I, like the rest of the nation, and probably each of you sitting here today, is left asking why? In this season of Advent, as we wait with joy and expectation for the coming of the Christ child, full of hope and potential, we are instead tossed into the ugliness of sin and human depravity.

It was this very sin and human depravity where the presence of God can be found. God was present as Joseph was warned to take Mary and Jesus to Egypt until it would be safe to return to Israel after the death of King Herod. God is present today with those families who mourn their children, a community that mourns its loss of potential, hope, and promise of the young lives; and educators, like Shiphrah and Puah sought to protect those young lives from the sin and depravity that broke into the idyllic life of Newtown, CT Friday morning.

So as I watched the Facebook and Twitter traffic offer prayer, I was comforted, knowing that we can mourn with those who mourn. That as a person of faith I can be in solidarity with those who mourn. That as a person of faith, there were others struggling with this dark place in the midst of a joyous season of expectation and the celebrations of Light – Hanukah and Advent.

AND

We live in an age of analysis and pundits and we live in a culture that wants to fix things. We don’t like to step out of our comfort zones, and the events of Friday in Newtown, CT tossed that community and our nation who watched the various media accounts into a place of darkness and discomfort. So rather than live through the pain and find the deep healing that is available in God’s presence in the midst of human depravity we begin to analyze and assign blame. This human desire for understanding, knowledge and understanding shifts a focus from being able to find God’s presence in the midst of human depravity to one that wants to fix symptoms and assign blame.

Finger pointing and using this event as a springboard for a variety of social and political agendas isn’t going to bring these 20 children back to life. Knowing what the NRA thinks about this event, isn’t going to bring comfort and God’s presence to the lives of mourning families and a hurting community and nation.

The Friday events in Newtown, CT remind us again that we live in a world of pain and suffering, even as we wait for our redemption and the coming of Jesus Christ, Light of the World, during this season of Advent. After all, it was Jesus the Christ, who came to earth as God Incarnate, to show us God’s presence in the midst of human depravity. It was this same Jesus the Christ, who was a refugee from infanticide and is the same God that brings comfort in the midst of human depravity and tragedy. Our challenge in our instant fix it (mask the symptoms) and culture of over analysis and assignment of blame is to be present to those who mourn, to walk with each other as we live through the pain and in that experience God’s presence in our midst.

Our challenge is to live through the pain and walk with those who are also in pain – pointing to the hope we have in the redemption that is brought by the Christ Child. This earthly life still has pain, yet God is faithful still, this a claim of our faith, this what we wait for during the season of Advent, God’s faithfulness in the midst of human depravity and tragedy.

We can’t hide from pain…legislate it away. We can take a stand like Shiphrah and Puah…we can listen for God’s presence as did Joseph.

We can also be present with those who are hurting…take the courageous step of walking with them through the valley of the shadow of death. And in doing so…demonstrates the expectation we have for the redemption of the world we know in Jesus Christ.

Amen.

I got a tattoo

I have been fascinated by tattoos since I sat next to a woman with tattoos (more than one) on an airplane trip (one of my first) to Seattle in 1969 or 1970, when my mom took me with her so she could visit her mother in a nursing home. Tattoo acceptance, especially for women at that time was not where it is today. What I remember was this lady was really nice and enjoyed talking with her (I was 6 or 7 years old at the time) she was very accommodating to my questions about her tattoos. Now of course my mother was horrified. I was one of those kids who would talk to anyone and everybody about anything. Social propriety and looking good in the eyes of others was something that never crossed my mind. People were interesting and they still are to me. I was fascinated by this lady with tattoos and wondered why some people thought less of this lady because of her tats

One of the most interesting conversations about tats came when I was in a now defunct coffee shop with my knitting group. A young man of 18-20 came in and he had this big tat on his arm and several spaces were empty on it. He told us his story of how he wanted to do certain things in his life and when he achieved those things, the particular empty area of the tat would be filled in as a symbol of accomplishment.

As I grew in my life and my faith, the stigma of tattoos was still part of my growing up years. People with tattoos were considered ‘rough’, ‘wild’, and not proper. Of course I wanted to be proper and fit into the right place in society. Over the years I have talked with many people who have body art. I have asked them what their body art has meant to them, and I have learned some real interesting stories and experiences. Recently I spoke with a CNA at a nursing facility that I visit in my hospice work. She had a tat on the back of her neck. She told me she regretted getting it. We talked a bit and then she said to me, when I told her I was thinking of getting a tat, “you are too nice to get a get a tat.” Am I? Isn’t that the same reverse stereotyping of labeling people with tats bad? I have over the years met people who regret their tats, and have grown beyond their tats, yet their tats are part of them, bearing witness to that life event or stage in their life cycle.

I’ve discussed tats with a lot of people, including my husband. I appreciate that he is accepting of my tat, even as he wonders why people scribble their bodies. He has lovingly told me that we are self-differentiated enough that he is OK with my tat and he joking says he has his own natural tats on his legs from a health condition.

Then there was that sticky wicket of the verse from Leviticus 19:28 "'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.” I was able to work this one through theologically for myself…even as I continually joke about the tattoo shop on Lake Street in Minneapolis called Leviticus Tattoo. The CONTEXT of the passage from Leviticus is important. It was an admonishment to the Hebrew people as they differentiated themselves from the foreign tribes around them. Many of those foreign tribes would shave their eyebrows and get tattoos as a sign of mourning. And many of these foreign tribes worshiped multiple gods, unlike the Hebrew people who worshiped the One G*d. The Hebrew people differentiated themselves from those around them by not getting tats.

So as a 21st Century Christian, I realize that I don’t live under that Levitical law. I live under a covenant with Jesus Christ. In Christ there is a lot of freedom.

In my own journey of faith I have been pondering what it means to be embodied and to be a temple of the Holy Spirit. I will be writing more on this in coming weeks. I have also wondered what the big deal was about tats. My fascination continued to grow, so I pondered what it would mean for me to get a tat. What kind of tat would I get? What is so important to me that I would want to scribble it on my body? My faith has always been important to me. It has got me through some interesting times in my life. It has allowed me to experience some of the richest human experiences. My faith as saved my life many times over and I would want to symbolize that in a tat.

As a Presbyterian minister and hospice chaplain, I wanted a cross…not a crucifix…because my God suffered that death and the cross is now empty. I am also of Scots-Irish and Northern European (Norwegian and German-Swiss) descent and drawn to everything Celtic. I wanted a cross with Celtic elements.

So I got a tattoo. I went to the Illustrated Man, one of the oldest and most established tattoo establishments in Kansas City. The owner Jack and his staff are Christians. We talked about God and Jesus and the importance they played in our lives. As I got my tat, I got to hear the life story of a tattoo artist who has been doing tats for 40 years. I felt safe as I got my tat. I would do it again. Did it hurt? Not as much as I thought it would. I have had dental work that hurt more than my tat and experienced other pain in my life that hurt a lot worse than getting a tat.

So judge me if you want. I have exercised my freedom in Christ to express my faith in a new embodied way through my tat. I now know what it is like to get a tat and can share that experience with others. I have to live with my tat. It is now a permanent part of me and who I am.